90

i wish i was as good at photography as i had aspired to be.
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i wish my knee wasn't so fucked up.
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i wish it was may and everything was warm and new and we wouldn't have to wait for her to come back much longer.
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i wish the snow was gone.
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i wish school wasn't so hard.
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i wish someone would fucking employ me.
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i wish i didn't sound so whiney.
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Phoenix

So once again I have decided to blog again. This of course is a no promise deal because, lets face it, i can barely remember to brush my teeth twice a day, let alone spend time typing up pointless rants for no one to read... Maybe i'll just make this one of those if I find anything interesting ill throw it on here for kicks. yeeah.
shmeh,

might as well

I've been thinking about this blog recently and how much I enjoy blogging but never fucking remember to actually do so.
I also think that because no one reads these posts, it's sort of for nothing, but I guess that getting things out there is better then keeping them in to fester.
So here we go.

NOW.
This post isn't directed at one specific person but more of a group of unrelated people.

To all you fourteen year old, camera toting, beanie wearing, rig smoking ''hipsters'' out there; do you have ANY idea, how much you piss me off?
You have completely left your childhood behind to take mediocre pictures of each other in dark alleys, smoke your allowance away and walk around like you own the streets.
You all have another thing coming.
Your arrogance and ignorance are beyond me. Do you not realize what you're giving up in order to look ''cool''?
Fourteen year olds should not be chain smoking.
That's the one that really gets me.
You don't look any better with that thing hanging out of your mouth and you most certainly don't smell any better.

Another thing.
Why photography?
Why in the fuck must you think you are talented enough to buy a five hundred dollar camera and take pictures of your friends.
First off, learn how to use the fucking camera, please.
I beg for the sake of the camera.
Secondly, just because you think you're artistic, doesn't mean you are.
Photoshopping your pictures to distort the image you actually took and turn it into something you think will make your fellow hipster friends impressed is NOT photography.
The camera is there to help you and do the work. If you know how to use it.

Lastly,
The lack of self-esteem the majority of you have is astonishing to me.
Stop pretending to be something you aren't.
Stop trying to look good for people all the time, they aren't impressed. And if they are, they're out seeking attention and are just as internally confused as you are.
Be yourself. Dressing up and trying to be ''differently cool'' will only go so far until one day you wake up and realize what i've been trying to get through this entire time.
Be Real.

from whence i came

Is whence a word? I'm assuming it is because the correction tool didn't underline it. Maybe it just doesn't want to challenge me.
I think I come off to others as overly harsh and brute.
I think its funny just how deceitful I can be.
I've realized that most people don 't know the real me.
Of course this challenges the nature of the statement because you are what you portray.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that my true nature is rarely put out.
I sort of like it that way.
It's far easier to keep people at a distance and not let them in to everything about you.
I'm very open about certain things, but they usually range on the superficial.
I don't feel it necessary to let people know about details of my life that have no relevance to them.
I believe that it's the things you don't feel the need to share which are truely the most beautiful.
No one needs to know other then me.


Love is between two people.

Change

So I've decided to post things other then strong personal opinions and maybe talk a little more about things that actually matter in the big picture.

I've always had a rough time seeing said 'big picture'.
I had this discussion with Graham the other day and he was telling me how were opposites in the way we see things initially. He sees big, I see minute.
It got me to thinking which one is more important.
You can easily fix little problems by taking the time to look every little thing over, but how will you ever know you're making a significant change until you zoom out and take a look at everything. However, if attention isn't payed to the smaller aspects, the large ones can fall apart at any given time. I think this could be used to look at relationships as well. You don't do details, and feelings are hurt, but if you don't look at the relationship as a whole, there's little connection.
It'd be easy to say that one over-powers another but I think that like with many other human traits, one cannot function alone.

--------------------------------

Already?

I don't get it when people can't fess up to the things they did wrong and the mistakes they've made. Fuck. Be a big person and take charge of your actions. You control what you do and how you make others act and react in accordance. Stand up to your consequences. You brought them upon yourself.

Take One.

Here it is.
My intro.

....

Hope you enjoyed it.


I don't understand why people put themselves in relationships that just don't work.
They honestly irritate me to no extent. If you have no chemistry with someone, GTFO. You're wasting your time. There are 6.7 billion people in the world, find one that you actually work with. Seriously, you fight every day, someone winds up in tears, you go days with out talking. What kind of connection is that? It isn't one, by me. People question themselves when they're in these situations, wondering why they're in so much pain and how someone could do what ever bad thing they did to them. Get a grip on yourself and rethink your position in this relationship. If things like this happen its because you aren't fucking meant for each other. Opposites attract, but sometimes the selfishness and ignorance of a person blows it way out of proportion. All that happens is you have either one or both parties in the relationship miserable. Oh, yeaa. That's exactly how it's supposed to work. If someone has treated you like shit, made you cry or made you unhappy for any reason more then once or twice, you're a fool and need to remove yourself from the situation. By then its gotten to that point that the person clearly isn't going to change his or her actions to convenience you, and why should they? Compatibility should be based on how well two people interact with each other and love each other for exactly who they are. Having a few minor differences can still work, but when the majority of stories heard about your love life involve tears and drama, you need to seriously rethink what you're putting yourself, your significant other, and the people around you though. A successful relationship should not be based on someone changing another person for their benefit! Any problems in a relationship cannot be blamed on the other person any more then they can be blamed on yourself and the stupidity and selfishness of your ways. If you aren't comfortable, you aren't happy and you aren't being treated how you want and need to be treated, then use your brain instead of your heart and leave.

GRR.